because i didnt have any intentions to stalk before i reached friendster.com, but i decided to after much thought and deliberation, i didnt think about the repercussions or the sudden wave of nostalgia that would hit me harder than a tidal wave.

but here goes, hopefully for the last time ever in this blog or any others, in this brain or mind or sight:

i saw the picture of you and your friend, our friend. not so much mine, more like a hi-bye thing but he stopped me in school one day and asked, "have you been in contact with him?" and i say no, and then i realise he wasn't too.

you distanced yourself from all the friends you told me were precious and close to you. keeping away from me, i'll understand - never fully accept - but understand. your best friends who made you happy and gave you a sense of freedom, especially when you hung out with us late at night and they cracked stupid jokes and you laughed along, when they irritated me you poked me and joined in.

how should i ever forget the friendship you provided me with when i was in such a dire situation, i wanted to jump down just to extinguish the pain. and then i became neighbours with you, and suddenly it was friendship, and then it became like best friends who were never apart. people misunderstood it, but our friends knew the situation. smoke breaks were the happiest times of my working time there, weekends - especially sundays - were the defining moments of my joy when i got to sit around with all of you and just laugh everything away.

and of course, the pride that you were my friend, haha, and the number of girls that were commenting on your looks and hair and everything. i could flaunt my friendship with you and we'd both laugh off the stares from the girls later on! that was fun. but then you became like a necessity, even my anger with you was never that malignant, it went away with each passing minute, despite the things you said. your 'sorry's' were more sincere than any other apology i've heard, when you said, "it's okay" it sounded like you really meant it.

where are you? please just re-appear like a magical genie, not because i miss you but because, at least you make me feel like laughing and smiling all over again.