i demean myself EVERYDAY

sometimes i wish i was skinnier, that my thighs were slim and my tummy was concaved inwards instead of out,

sometimes i wish i had better skin all over my body, not shaving bumps and ever-growing hair,

sometimes i wish i didn't have the appetite of a pig and i didn't eat 10x a day and disgust you with how much of a bottomless pit i am,

sometimes i wish i was stronger and had the courage and wisdom to say no from day 1,

sometimes i wish i had a better temper and was not spoilt from the day i was born, that it was not in my nature to yell at people,

sometimes i wish i never met you,

sometimes i wish i could re-trace time and take back everything that i said that caused you to do this damage to me,

sometimes i wish i had the nerve to stand up to people and show the world what you were to me,

sometimes i wish i had been there that night to kiss you on the cheek and tell her you were mine,

but wishes don't come true; life is fucking unfair, and in the end, the one that never even had to suffer at all,

gets to enjoy the fruit of my torturous labour.

what have you done to deserve his love and adoration, slut? if you tell me that you've done more than what i have, i surrender. there's a 99% chance you'd never get that.

my heart surrenders, i give up from now on. i do. because i read from an msn conversation that i should love myself more to realise what a fucktard he is, and how she will suffer in the future.

cheers, c. because 3 years from now we can say we came out of this as survivors while she'll be busy suffering. we've done enough damage to ourselves.