sometimes not knowing things is better, don't you think? to live in denial everyday of your life, to pretend everything is stepford perfect, but when you accidentally find out the truth it stabs at you like a million nails but for once, i don't want to dodge those nails.

when i wake up in the morning, the pain comes in bouts and i get so giddy i close my eyes, but the black image under my eyelids still whirl around like a pool. i get up and take a bath, letting the water soak away my hot tears and i lean against the wall, telling myself to get a grip and let it go.

i start remembering what we did, how we spent our time tgt, and how it's all gone down the drain with just one quick motion. and how i'm the only one hurting.

i don't know if i want to be selfish anymore, or i should just suffer in silence and let him go. let him run to his happiness, maybe i should.