guess who's blog i just visited?

skh8.blogspot.com

yes, azfar, i grew balls over 1.5 years.

first time since last year when i was first informed of the blog. funny how different the feeling is now. when i first saw it, i could not stop cursing and swearing at her, talking to my best friend on the phone with my string of never ending vulgarities that i used on her, the monster who stole my boyfriend(up till this day i still stand by this).

he was my everything, my every breathing moment and my entire world. everything that i did or thought of revolved around him, despite the many disappointing moments with his ex girlfriend. he did nothing but made me angry, made me upset, made me cry, made me become crazy. but somehow at the end of the relationship, i felt like the failure. i felt like such a horrible person that i started questioning if i had the right morals in my life. it affected me so badly that everything in my life just became... weird. i became the weakest person in the world, the only person with no backbone and no pride. i begged, pleaded, stalked, screamed, but nothing worked. and then suddenly i'm told that he's holding hands with another girl in town. that just prompted even more begging, more pleading, more stalking and more screaming.

but there always come a certain point that makes you realise that you don't need this kind of crap in your life. i'm not someone who has much of a social life out there, i have a small but close group of friends and i'm probably home by midnight all the time, so i don't have many distractions from the break-up. but still, i found that moment. i found it when he suddenly disappointed me so badly that i knew everything had to change.

now when i read that frog's blog, i suddenly feel empathetic. i feel as though i can understand everything she's writing, and know how she feels. that aside, i will never stop hating her for taking away the one person that meant the world to me. but then again, i will always be grateful that she came along and took him away from me. he's all yours, babe. all the hurting, all the pain, all the insecurities...

have fun with your stolen item.

this is the end. of everything. i will always have amazing memories of our times together but sadly, i can remember more unpleasant things about our 3 year long relationship. perhaps it's time to push all the hatred aside and move on with my life, but there will always be that tiny part of me that is dying to know how all 3 of them are coming along in life.

khoo shumin, you asked for it.